Totally Clips

This is my post-eclipse post, but I still haven't taken my film to the drugstore to be developed. There's only $9 in the bank account so, unfortunately, minor things like getting prints must be put on hold. It looks like I'll have to ask Mom for one more bailout. If this paragraph were a person's first introduction to me that person would have no idea that I'm 24 years old.

Moving along...check this out for your reading pleasure. It's an MSN conversation I had with a friend of mine who wishes to remain nameless. I promised not to reveal any other identifying details so I'll just say he's my age and he's trying to hit on a new female employee at the large company they both work for. I gave him some advice on how he should approach her. The whole thing is slightly funny and slightly sad but totally (clips) entertaining and, personally, I think I have a gift.


Ravi says: i think i am getting infatuated wiht the yale girl
WhatUpThen says: Yeah, no shit.
WhatUpThen says: Dude.
Ravi says: dude
WhatUpThen says: You're just now realizing this?
Ravi says: i was only mildly infatuated before
WhatUpThen says: Whatever dude. Why do you think I offered to build you up in front of her?
Ravi says: im not sure how to go about it
WhatUpThen says: How'd you go about it last time?
Ravi says: i dont know
Ravi says: never been interested in a coworker
WhatUpThen says: That means you're straight
Ravi says: ?
Ravi says: hahaha
Ravi says: i get it
WhatUpThen says: You should invite her do to something
WhatUpThen says: not a movie
WhatUpThen says: something where you can talk
Ravi says: yeah
Ravi says: but what?
WhatUpThen says: Pretend it's someone else in the office
WhatUpThen says: Pretend you were approaching someone else and think of what you would say.
WhatUpThen says: If you wanted to get the person to join you for a weekend activity
Ravi says: one of the problems is that most of my weekend activities are outdoorsy type things (hikes, skiing, etc). and she is not into those
WhatUpThen says: What would you say to a different person?
Ravi says: "hey do you want to come ___ing with us this weekend? it will be fun!"
WhatUpThen says: Okay, let's start with that.
WhatUpThen says: First, change "hey" to her name
Ravi says: "Kate, do you want to come ___ing with us this weekend? it will be fun!"
WhatUpThen says: Okay, gimme a minute
WhatUpThen says: You need to make this longer. More than one sentence.
WhatUpThen says: Why don't you start by asking her about her time in Seattle?
WhatUpThen says: "Have you gotten a chance to do a lot since you've been here?"
WhatUpThen says: Then let her go on about what she has or hasn't done
WhatUpThen says: Let her talk. People like to talk about themselves.
WhatUpThen says: When she's done, then make your pitch
Ravi says: ive already asked her that before
WhatUpThen says: Okay, we'll fix that, too.
Ravi says: she has not seen much of seattle. she went furniture shopping the other weekend. she still does not have a dining table
WhatUpThen says: okay, hang on. Back to the pitch.
WhatUpThen says: After she's talked about herself (we'll look at that) invite her...
WhatUpThen says: Let's see...
WhatUpThen says: Okay, need an activity. How about Green Lake?
Ravi says: what to do there?
WhatUpThen says: Does this involve me? Am I going?
Ravi says: probably
WhatUpThen says: How about the Farmers' Market?
WhatUpThen says: In the U-District?
Ravi says: what the hell does one do at a farmers market?
WhatUpThen says: I'm trying to think of something you and I would already be doing where you could just invite someone else
WhatUpThen says: We could have already been planning to shop at the Farmers' Market and she can come along
WhatUpThen says: Then afterward we can eat
Ravi says: that sounds gay!
WhatUpThen says: Only to you.
Ravi says: hahah
Ravi says: "i'm going to the farmers market. its FAB-u-lous!"
WhatUpThen says: Does she go to U-District a lot?
Ravi says: no
Ravi says: she doesnt go to seattle
WhatUpThen says: Okay, good. Then here's her big chance.
WhatUpThen says: You know she doesn't go to Seattle? That's good.
WhatUpThen says: So, after she's finished talking you say:
WhatUpThen says: "You know, I know you probably don't get over to Seattle much. I'll be over in the U-District on Saturday, though, and I want to invite you along"
WhatUpThen says: She says: "Oh, what are you going to do over there?"
WhatUpThen says: You say: "Well, my friend WhatUpThen (you can say from Stanford if she is pretentious) lives on campus. We're going to the Farmers' Market then just chill out a little."
WhatUpThen says: She'll say: "Oh, that sounds cool/interesting/great/fun"
WhatUpThen says: You say: 1)"Yeah, I like to go sometimes because I try to eat organic" - pretentious
WhatUpThen says: 2) "I don't know. My friend is into that stuff and he's kinda dragging me along" - cool
WhatUpThen says: 3) "Well, I haven't eaten any vegetables in 2 weeks, so I figure I'd better buy some!" - funny
WhatUpThen says: You have 3 options there
WhatUpThen says: Then she say yes or no and you figure out the logistics
Ravi says: 4) "im vegetarian but dont eat vegatables. i think the farmers market is gay but my crazy friend said its a good way to get you to hang out with me. i should let him know it worked"
WhatUpThen says: Incidentally, if you choose Option 2...
WhatUpThen says: You can then say you want to bring her along so you don't get bored
WhatUpThen says: Okay, there was something else...
WhatUpThen says: Oh, how are you gonna get her to talk about herself?
Ravi says: i ask questions
WhatUpThen says: So you're saying you can't ask her about living in Seattle?
Ravi says: not really. ive asked her about it
Ravi says: before
WhatUpThen says: Okay, let me think...
Ravi says: i also asked her what movies she say recently. Wimbledon was the answer
WhatUpThen says: When's the last time you talked to her?
Ravi says: saturday
Ravi says: at the movie
WhatUpThen says: Wimbledon??
WhatUpThen says: And you want to go out with her???
Ravi says: hahaha
Ravi says: she has a yale degree dude
Ravi says: that is such a turn on
WhatUpThen says: no comment
WhatUpThen says: anyway...umm
WhatUpThen says: Saturday? You haven't seen her since then?
WhatUpThen says: I mean, do you see her at work?
WhatUpThen says: You're gonna be coming out of the blue asking this
WhatUpThen says: Does she know who you are?
Ravi says: yeah she sits in the room next to mine
Ravi says: im the manager for her feature team
Ravi says: of course she knows me
WhatUpThen says: I'm not being snarky. Just checking
WhatUpThen says: I think you can start the same conversation again
WhatUpThen says: Maybe say something like: "How are you doing, Kate? --> Has the city been treating you well?"
WhatUpThen says: Something like that
WhatUpThen says: Open-ended
WhatUpThen says: And then hit it
Ravi says: seems too open ended
WhatUpThen says: How do you mean?
Ravi says: people dont go around to each other saying "hows life treating you"
WhatUpThen says: Huh?? I hear people say that all the time
Ravi says: "how are you doing Kate? Did you have any comments on the RTO document I sent you for review?" ... "no? okay cool. by the way, ..."
Ravi says: might be better
WhatUpThen says: Okay, that's good except...
WhatUpThen says: if she's commenting on the RTO document (whatever the hell THAT is) she's not talking about herself
WhatUpThen says: So...
Ravi says: oh, wait, are you talking about asking her out or after ive asked her out?
WhatUpThen says: After "by the way" you say "how's life/the city/ treating you?"
WhatUpThen says: and she goes on and then you ask her to go out
WhatUpThen says: I think that's good. How does it sound to you?
Ravi says: "hows life treating you?" "okay" "um, want to go to the city" - like that?
WhatUpThen says: If she responds with a one-word answer you have to ask her to elaborate
Ravi says: shes not the type to just go off on an open ended question
WhatUpThen says: Don't stand in the doorway. If she thinks you're just passing by she won't hold you up
WhatUpThen says: Sit down in a chair in her office
WhatUpThen says: Or step inside her office and lean on the wall
Ravi says: good idea
Ravi says: why dont you have a gf?
WhatUpThen says: Don't lean inside the doorway. Go in the office to show that you're in no hurry
WhatUpThen says: You don't have to stay for 10 minutes...but you'll certainly stay for 2 or 3
WhatUpThen says: Like I said, sit if you can
WhatUpThen says: If she continues with one-word answers after that, then I don't know what to tell you
Ravi says: i might need to hold off on this until next week though
WhatUpThen says: But if it seems like you don't want a detailed response you won't get one
WhatUpThen says: Why not me? Because it’s a process I barely understand.
WhatUpThen says: Why wait?
Ravi says: im not feeling that well. mild fever
WhatUpThen says: Maybe she'll ask you about it
WhatUpThen says: You can say you're gonna buy tea at the Farmers' Market!
Ravi says: "hey i'm sick! wanna come hang out with me?"
WhatUpThen says: If you ask and she said yes, would you go?
Ravi says: if its not raining
WhatUpThen says: don't say that, Ravi.
WhatUpThen says: I mean, why go through all this effort and then let that stop you?
WhatUpThen says: anyway, don't put it off
WhatUpThen says: The activity is a good one because:
WhatUpThen says: 1. Farmers' market is a good place for her to latch on
WhatUpThen says: 2. She gets to see the U-District
WhatUpThen says: 3. She gets to meet one of your friends
WhatUpThen says: 4. She gets to see the University
WhatUpThen says: After the Farmers' Market there are a whole lot of ways the day can go. It's versatile.
WhatUpThen says: So there you go.
Ravi says: its a good idea
Ravi says: we'll see if i execute on it

Bottom line: if you thought you were insecure about this sort of thing, don't worry. "Ravi" and I have got it covered for you! Okay, stop laughing and go do something constructive.