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I'll admit that this is kinda the second time I've seen The Vagina Monologues. A few years ago there was a production at Cal some friends and I went to. Damn, what was it called? I think it had some Indian name and it was essentially TVM: South Asian Edition. Noni Bat, was that it?? Oh, hold on...I just googled "South Asian Vagina Monologues" and found the title. It's Yoni Ki Baat...guess that translates directly to "talks of the vagina". Quite nice. I wonder what will turn up if I just drop the "monologues" from those search terms? Anyway, so I saw Yoni Ki Baat before but I wanted to see the original, you know? If the spinoff production was so satisfying (especially the performance by that one disturbingly attractive young woman who also sang in the Golden Overtones and why am I thinking about this several years after the fact?) then the original had to be, well...orgasmic?

Maybe it's because I'd seen it once before, but it all just felt so contrived to me. Female readers stop here. Please sign a mental release stating that you won't cease reading Ice Climber based solely on the content of the next few sentences. I don't know how many times I looked at my watch during the show. I found myself thinking: "Yeah, yeah people make a big deal out of menarche and society makes you stuff it with dry cotton and your vagina is angry and if it wore clothes it would wear red leather because you are all just so badass don't you realize that Elektra has already left theatres and it probably only made 25 million and I hope the suit Jennifer Garner wore was actually vinyl so the producers were able to save a little bit of money but seriously could you hurry up and get off the stage so we could see the next freakin' act?"

And some of the men jokes..."The next monologue was written by a woman who had a good experience with a man," cue laughter. Dude, that shit's not funny. It's clever but it's not fucking funny and holy shit why am I taking this so personally oh yes it's because I'm thinking of my own experience and I hate to see it boiled down into dumb sitcom-caliber cliches. Annnnnyway...I see I'm channeling my inner Neanderthal so I'll quit. All in all, though, it was better the first time around.